Now that I've got your attention, let's talk about the brown speckled feathers on chickens...
Yes I am kidding. Today we will be talking about the whole Libya uprising saga, that UK has gone into again. I mean when there's a situation in a country that's Muslim we can't keep our noses out can we, we should force our noses back to the Daily Left/Right Wing and sip our tea. Anyway we... oh and eat our scones.
Anyway the thing started when possibly the ugliest man in existance (except Matt Smith, the new Doctor Who, I mean his face looks like it was squashed between two fat men, then had David Tennant's personality artificially transplanted into him), Colonel Muammar Gaddafi reacted to the anti-government protests with about as much calm and clear democratic skills as a bigoted donkey in a drunken mass debate. He shot at the protestors, displaying his love for his people once again, and since there was understandibly an uprising because of this, now clings to power by a thread.
The first I heard of it was when I flicked on the news to learn about the Christchurch earthquake (I mean no disrespect but that name is preachier than a vicar club that accidently scheduelled its meeting at the same time as the murdering, stealing, atheist, lesbian club. RIP), when I was confronted by footage of an insanely hideous and evil man who was shouting that the uprising was the fault of al-Qaeda and "Western Imperialism". OK, let me explain what is wrong with this statement. First, the al-Qaeda thing is complete rubbish, I didn't see Gaddafi complaining when Libya were sending truck loads of suicide bombers to Iraq, and also, Western Imperialism stopped quite a long time ago. You should of noticed when Libya became indepentent from Italy, but maybe you didn't noticed because Satan was designing your face (I mean who get's conquered by Italy, their tanks have only two gear modes: stop and reverse, at least with the French you get their disgusting cheese and with the German's their foul looking white sausage).
When the uprising finally started I was thinking, here we go, Gaddafi is going to kill as many people as possible on his way out, and then when we get the rebels in power they'll probably vote in some wacko like the Ayatollah Khomeini or Saddam Hussein. The rebellion took a lot long than I thought. By day 10 I was thinking if we're going to get involved here then we should bloody do it now before the rebels are wiped off the face of the Earth. Then the next day I saw pictures of a place called "Martyr's Square" hilariously enough. The people there firmly supported the rebels. Then the next day they were flying the big green handcherchief of the Gaddafi supporters. I would say make up your mind but they've had enough of that from Gaddugly.
So now I've realised what is going to happen: The UK will send in troops needlessly AGAIN (if Afghanistan is a threat to our national security then the Tyranasaurus Rex threatens humanity with extinction), Gaddafi will be overthrown almost immediately, we'll spend 6 needless years in the country that doesn't need us, then we'll leave. Thousands of our soldiers will die, and Libya will be just as fucked as before.
So basically it's going to be another Iraq. Lucky their suicide bombers don't have to travel as far this time.
I'll see you for tea and scones in the war-torn battlezone of Liyba in two weeks my friend, to toast another load of British heroes thrown into the meat grinder.