Welcome to the Rofling Officer Productions blog, where you will mainly find extremely cynical reviews by a British Stereotype (usually with my good friend, John Smith). These reviews will most often be of games and films, but also have a few little projects.



Sunday, 26 June 2011

Diary Of Pordit Bronzebeard: June 25th

June 25th

Finished helping the people at Eastvale today. Unfortunately we had been to a pretty wild party the night before at the Goldshire inn, so couldn't get much done. While I slept Jonith had already finished at Eastvale, so I worked hard to catch him up. Moved on to the Forest's Edge, where I was sad to see in the distance that Westfall is still looking like an evil wizard sucked all water out of the ground like a cultish sex practise. But we had more pressing matters to deal with. Hogger was still on the loose, and causing havoc, so Jonith and I wanted to take him down. He fought us long and hard, but eventually gave in the cowardly runt. The guards took him to the Stockade, amid Jonith and I's cheers. Finally we left the safety of Elwynn and found ourselves in the middle of a crime scene in Westfall. I wept when I found the Fulbrows and Old Blanchy dead. I still use her feed bag sometimes... It seems Westfall has deteriotated since I last went. Though the Defias have been removed from power, the people have descended to anarchy against honourable King Varian Wrynn. The investigators there recruited us to search for clues, and having killed many hostile beggars, we found the two suspects: the Murlocs and the Gnolls...

Thursday, 23 June 2011

Diary Of Pordit Bronzebeard: June 23rd

June 23rd.

Finally! Jonith and I have escaped from that wretched place, I am almost glad for the Cataclysm! Jonith was too weak to travel with me, so stayed in Northshire to recuperate, while I ventured to Stormwind in the disguise of an anonymous traveller. Suffice to say, I fooled the stupid guards. I've always hated the Deeprun Tram, and I always used to fly to Ironforge from Stormwind, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I ran from Ironforge to Coldridge, picking up some supplies and my old Ram, Betsy. I thought she would make the journey back to Jonith shorter, but in my weakness I cannot even stay on her. The walk back to Northshire has depleted my energy, but not my resolve: "King" Magni Bronzebeard MUST DIE.

I will nurse Jonith back to health as he did me, and we will begin our journey to our former strength tomorrow.

Sunday, 19 June 2011

Two Days To Go...

So just 2 days until WoW time begins, and the diary starts. This diary will consist of Pordit's thoughts and feelings about his journey across Azeroth, and I'll try to insert my usual sarcasm in there. John will do his own with Jonith, so check that out on his blog.

You may be wondering why the character's backstories have been removed. It's because I got pissed at John for being an unsufferable prick. You see, we'd spent about a week and a half planning this thing, just for him to up and say "Oh darn, looks like I won't be able to get a subscription, oh well, we won't be able to do it". I hate wasting my time so I got angry and removed the posts.

You can imagine how pissed I was when we got a solution a few minutes later, so I just copied and pasted what was on John's blog. That'll be up again when I've finished writing this.

So yeah look forward to the diaries on Tuesday night.

Saturday, 18 June 2011

WoW Project Update!

And it's up again:


A young commoner growing up in Gilneas, Jonith saw his country ravaged by war, torn asunder and transform into that of realm of monsters. Jonith fled across the wilderness, away from the god forsaken place, vowing never to return. However, at his arrival into Stormwind after many months of hard travelling, he had no money and was in desperate need for a job. After weeks of searching he found one with a company called the Defias Brotherhood, who he had never heard about, and they quickly put him to work. It was a few days later when a squad of Stormwind guards burst through the door, arresting all in the room including him, for something he did unknowingly, and throwing him into the Stormwind Stockade, where he had to fight for respect, and his meals, with his other inmates.

Personality- Jonith is a cynical, hating person, who finds it hard to get along with anybody, causing many arguments and fights. Taught at a young age that the light would not help anybody, so never to trust anything holy, he believes the only things that matter in life are money and fighting.

Alignment- An anti-social person who trys to keep his distance from everybody else. He is a strong beleiver in the old Lordaeron Empire, and is distrustful of it's successor The Alliance, especially after the prejudice and arrest he recieved while in Stormwind.
He turned his back on his former countrymen in Gilneas after the curse which afflicted them, beleiving them to be nothing better than the bugs which crawl through the Undercity.
He also hates all forms of Undead, scourge or Forsaken, who had wiped out most of his fellow humans in his homeland.


Born into royalty, Pordit was the heir to the throne of Ironforge. His time seen came and became the much loved King Pordit the Merciful of Ironforge. His entire kingdom was happy under his reign, but not his family. Magni Bronzebeard, Pordit's nephew, was greatly jealous of his uncle's crown. Together with some other traitors he organised a fake plot to send Ironforge's money and weapons to the villainous Dark Iron dwarves. Then, when all was ready, Magni stepped forwards into Ironforge and "revealed" the plot. And, because of evidence he had left at the HQ of the plot, Pordit was wrongly implicated as the leader. Pordit and the traitors were sent to Stormwind Stockade at the behest of Magni, who wanted his uncle nowhere near Ironforge or Dun Morogh again. Pordit was strong and tough, but suffered much persecution in the Stockade, because he was a dwarf and the rest were human. Everyday became a fight for survival.

Personality - Pordit remains very strong willed, unlikely to ever back down. His desire for revenge fuels him in his fights, and is a staut realist. Pordit's faith in the Light is unshakeable, having been a paladin in his early life. However he stopped training as a paladin when a love for ranged weapons and animals took him. Ever since he was expressed a deep love and interest in "hunting".

Alignment - Pordit remains a realist, and even though he has lost almost all of his strength over the years in prison, he believes everyone should be given a chance. His years as a paladin have taught him a firm hatred of anything undead, and as the former King of Ironforge his support for the Alliance is unwavering. No matter his strength or position, Pordit fights for the honour of the Alliance and the defeat of the Horde.

How They Met

Aside from both being thrown into the Stockade, there was nothing between Pordit and Jonith. Pordit just thought Jonith was another criminal, and Jonith had learned from childhood never to trust anyone, so they had virtually no interactions. Then, one day, 6 months into their sentences, Jonith attacked the Defias. He had been planning carefully for 6 months, gaining their trust again before pouncing. He killed a Defias prisoner with a smashed bowl, but not before the huge monster in the Stockade, the ogre Hamhock had a chance to deal with Jonith. Before the ogre could deal a killing blow with his giant fist, Pordit used whatever strength remained in his body to fight and stave off the huge beast. Barely conscious, Pordit lay a hero. Jonith, having sworn a debt of gratitude to his savour, nursed him back to health. Over the months Jonith and Pordit became good friends, each telling the other about their dark past. Eventually, the two worked out a deal. As well of a debt of gratitude, Jonith swore he would help Pordit regain his crown, and in return Pordit promised he would assist Jonith's efforts in bringing down the Defias Brotherhood. The day they shook hands on their deal, there was a revolt in the Stockade, and in the confusion many prisoners escaped from the prison, including Jonith and Pordit. Exhausted and weakened, the two had lost all of their former strength. They took refuge in the place Pordit felt certain he would be protected, and the place where Jonith knew no one would look for him: Northshire Abbey.