Welcome to the Rofling Officer Productions blog, where you will mainly find extremely cynical reviews by a British Stereotype (usually with my good friend, John Smith). These reviews will most often be of games and films, but also have a few little projects.



Saturday, 30 July 2011

Call of Duty 4-7 Reviews

I'm more bored right now than I would be watching the average family film involving 2 hours of the family asleep and then the last hour of them slowly waking up and laughing, so I've decided to do a few short reviews of each Call of Duty since Cod 4.

Call of Duty 4!

The only good edition of this list, and one of the games of the decade. A really great and compelling campaign, with fairly likeable characters and a plot that sounds generic but really drew me in. The campaign also boasted the missions "All Ghillied Up" and "One Shot, One Kill", which are in my opinion the best missions in any Call of Duty game.

The multiplayer was also revolutionary, after the shitty and recycled multiplayer from Call of Duty 3, this was refreshing and all round great. Custom Classes were a good idea, and the different modes impressed me. Apart from Search and Destroy of course, the acronym appropriately being "SAD".

Call of Duty: World At War!

Treyarch went into this game believing that instead of making their game original they could just go really over the top with the gore and that would counter-balance the fact that the game is just Call of Duty 4 reskinned for World War 2. Frustratingly, they were right.

The campaign, while having the standard campaign for any World War 2 game, isn't actually that bad. There's some terrible voice acting from Jack Bauer in it, but that's not really a big deal. The feel of the campaign is just right, at least for the Japanese parts, which were entertaining and atmospheric. The shittest part of the campaign was the 4th mission which so transparently rips of the above mentioned "All Ghillied Up" (and even Enemy at the Fucking Gates), that I played through it in a state of anger.

This is where the multiplayer started to go downhill. Why? Because it was identical to Call of Duty 4's. They even tried to fucking compensate with the lack of flashbangs and stuff by putting in "flares" which had no effect at all, and "Recon Planes". It's pathetic. "Ooooohhhh," wails the fanboy. "But if the multiplayer is the same why does that mean this one's bad? You're just biased!" Well fanboy, to quote Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw, you get sick of ice-cream cake if it's all you eat. Why would you want to play the exact same thing again and again with different "skins"?

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2!

Not really sure how to start this. Not only did this game force me off the Xbox for 6 months but also stopped the only non-CoD fanboy friend I had playing Xbox. I was on my own. It also introduced/popularised trick-shots.

My opinion of this game can be related to a wasp in a glass. I'm the wasp, and Modern Warfare 2 is the guy holding the glass. I'm already angry at the guy from trapping me in a glass in the first place, but every so often he'd shake the glass up, getting me even more angry. He'd do it at regular intervals too, so I was expecting them, which made them even more annoying.

To explain that confusing metaphor, I'm already angry at MW2 for being so shit, and then get even mroe angry when EVERY. SINGlE. PERSON. On my friends list plays it, every minute of every day. With no one to play with I do some random matchmaking on Halo 3 or something, but it soon gets boring with no one to play with. Which pisses me off further. So I stop playing Xbox. Months go by. It reaches May 2010, so I go on again to play the Halo: Reach beta, something I'd been looking forward to for months. Surprisingly, some friends join. All they do is say how much better CoD is though, and take the piss out of me for not playing it. So I quit that game and try again on my own. I had fun for about 2 days, but then got bored of playing on my own so I quit the beta too. Another shake of the glass, MW2. And then about 3 months later, my friend announces he's sick of MW2 and is quiting Xbox (this being one of the afore-mentioned arseholes in the beta). Apparently he had the same problem as me, I just didn't know it.

Meanwhile, trailers of Crap Ops are being released and support for MW2 declines. I crawl out from my hole and desperately buy a copy of Halo Reach. And enjoyed it. My love affair with games was back on. Xbox LIVE was saved! Rejoice! But wait...

The legacy of Modern Warfare 2 lingered on in Black Ops. The legacy of trick-shotting. No longer was it acceptable to pull of a good headshot with the scope (which is the true show of skill), no, apparently scopes are for n00bs. Instead you have to rely on complete fucking luck to hit your target now and it doesn't matter how many bullets it takes, or how many times you die like a retard, as long as you kill him with a "360 Y-Y no scope", you're good. Fuck that. And other players get angry at you for not trick-shotting. FUCK THAT.

I couldn't think of a way to review MW2 so I just put my personal experience up, and I dare you to tell me I should have enjoyed it more after reading it.

Campaign: 2/5
Graphics: Who cares/5
Multiplayer: 1/5
Spec Ops: 3/5

Overall: 1.5/5 "Shit"

Call of Duty: Black Ops!

Not as bad as Modern Warfare 2 but still not good. The campaign was at least a little better than MW2's, I say a little better because it really was absolute bullshit. Everyone made a big deal out of your character speaking and said it was the best campaign yet for that alone. Can't think of an insult foul enough, but let's just say I would probably tell them that I'd C U Next Tuesday. Motherfuckers. Anyway, where MW2's campaign made no sense at all, I almost wish that Black Ops's didn't make sense, because this makes sense in the most retardly stupid way possible. Oh all right, this is all undercover, ok, sounds cool... alright I'm sure the Soviets would notice the entire fucking US Navy in the Gulf of Mexico that had just destroyed your ship. More things explode than if a firework was dropped in a C4 and grenade factory, it gets exhausting. And they really go fucking overboard with the fucking swearing, instead of adressing the situation at hand the characters grunt 4 letter words as loud as possible, then an explosion happens. Horrible campaign that's story suffered from a hyperactive form of schizophrenia, not unlike the character "Alex Mason", who's is voiced poorly (again) by Avatar Worthington.

Anyway, onto the multiplayer. While Treyarch did try to remove quick scoping and improve balance issues, it was so half arsed I won't even bother complimenting them. The multiplayer remains identical, and outright angering now. Boring as hell, playing basically the same match again and again until you decide to play a much better game, like Halo. Yes, they've removed the ridiculous "tactical nuke" (which really begs the question why would they nuke 12 guys have a bum fight and fucking each others mothers), but there is also the stupid "Chopper Gunner", which is impossible to shoot at because the maps are so small and the chopper so high that before you can target the bloody thing you've died, and then when you spawn you die again. Then you quit.

Preview: Modern Warfare 3!

*Insert sigh and facepalm here*

What has gone from the plausable, realistic and fantastic 5th best game of the decade has just become a fucking awful fantasy game with a story imagined by the bloody Illuminati and with the same multiplayer as it started with. Watching the gameplay trailers at E3 only one thought was passing through my mind: if you played this level next to a guy playing Modern Warfare 2, I doubt even Infinity Ward would be able to tell the difference. The campaign just looks rubbish, whereas Call of Duty 4 could have been real and made you think maybe it could happen, MW3 just makes me think wow I hope WW3 actually happens to show these faggots what it would be like.

As for the Multiplayer, no footage has been released... Very strange MW2 couldn't wait to stick the multiplayer trailers down out throats, so what's the problem here? Oh yeah nothing's changed.

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