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Welcome to the Rofling Officer Productions blog, where you will mainly find extremely cynical reviews by a British Stereotype (usually with my good friend, John Smith). These reviews will most often be of games and films, but also have a few little projects.

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Friday, 28 October 2011

Double Review: Deus Ex 3 + The Inbetweeners

Deus Ex: Human Revolution!

OK I know this review is a little late, but the thing is I'm 15 and have no money most of the time, so give me some fucking time to get the game alright?! My first thoughts about the game was "Oh for fucks' sake why don't you work!?". Turns out this was the ever-reliable Steam's fault, not the game's. But I won't go into that, that's for another post.

As this is a double review, I won't really go into detail about the story (to be honest I had to replay twice just to understand it, I got lost halfway through), but as ever it continues the Deus Ex series' theme of conspiracy theories, and the very real possibility of human augmentation. This really drew me into the game early on, even though it was set in shitty Detroit, which looked about as beautiful as a prostitute choking on her own vomit. Or his.

I'll now split up my review of the gameplay into the self-described "pillars of gameplay", starting with Social.

Social!

This is not a pillar of gameplay, it's just an excuse to get out of fighting most of the time. There's only one augment for this too, so you can't really develop this. Despite it being quite disappointing with the aug thing, the actually minigame of convincing someone is tense and great. Getting deep into their problems and thinking of what to say next (even though it looks ridiculous as the characters are waiting doing nothing for 2 minutes, and Adam crosses and uncrosses his arms like he has OCD, AND all character models look like they're trying to sell you drugs when you engage them in conversation) is extremely gripping, and rewarding if it pays off. This is a feature of the game I enjoyed a LOT.

Stealth!

This is the aspect of the game I adhered to the most, as I have quite a sweet spot for stealth games (and also because I'm so fucking sick of cover based shooting so I chose cover based stealth instead). The stealth is solid, some of the augs are useful for the "pillar" (becoming invisible, seeing through walls), and some are fairly useless (knowing enemies cones of vision, as you rarely ever move unless the enemy has his back to you). This mode for me was very fun, shooting an enemy with a silenced pistol then smacking his mates' heads together is endlessly satisfying. However, it's almost impossible to stay stealthy and hack, as Adam stands up when he's hacking, so unless you've tranquilised everyone in the room and typhoomed the robot your going to get shot in the arse (and then you'll find that all there was was an email from Nigeria saying you've won £120,000,000,000,000)). The stealth did also get tedious near the end so on the final stage of the game when it turns into 28 Days Later I just grabbed a minigun and blasted all organic matter to liquid to spray paint robots with.

Hacking!

Hacking in the original Deus Ex was basically the same as installing Windows 7 onto a PC, and the bar has been raised in this game. The hacking mini-game is a tense game of balancing probability and greed for datastores. The mini-game is almost always well balanced, so I have no criticisms for this bit. Good job.

Combat!

Yay cover based shooting, how exciting. The prologue of the game made my mind up about how I was going to play the game, because with Rage, Battlefield 3, Modern Warfare 3, Gears of War 3 etc. will give me my share of brown cover shooting and regenerating health for this year. Now comes the main criticism: the fucking boss fights. They're more out of place than a clown at a funeral, making you shoot and kill the huge motherfuckers, and as I'd gone stealthy with a tranq rifle I was pretty much fucked. On the other hand some of the boss fights are simpler than [controverisal joke here]. The first boss fight I just chucked an EMP or two at the boss and shot him in the head with my revolver, splat dead in 15 seconds. The second boss fight another EMP then typhoon, dead in 10 seconds. The third boss fight was the hardest, as I fell for the trap that loses all my augs. Splat dead after 30 attempts. The fourth boss fight was funny, as John Smith told me of a laser rifle that can shoot through walls. Used that and splat dead with a 3 second burst.

Overall, despite it's flaws (boss fights and some shitty augs), Deus Ex 2 (for there have been only 2, shut up Alex D) is a great game, get it now. Moving on...

The Inbetweeners!

The Inbetweeners is a TV series I've always heard loads about but never watched, a bit like The Only Way is Essex, but that for me is just a stones' throw away from self-mutilation (seriously that is pure idiot TV, for people who still think Father Christmas is real at 20 years old, and stays out until 5 o clock getting drunk, vain pricks in other words).

Anyway, I decided I'd got sick of people shouting "Oooh friend!" (and variations there-of, e.g. fat friend, lard friend etc.) at me without me understanding what was going on, so I watched it.

On the whole the Inbetweeners is not bad at all, there were some parts I found hilarious, and it was the type of humour the Office had, extremely cringe-worthy. Admittedly I found it a lot less funny than the Office because of them (shit) slipping (bollocks) a curse (fuck) word in every two seconds (blumpkin; google it).

For the most part the situations they get into are believable, aside from one at the Caravan Club where Will takes his shoes off instead of having sex with a girl, I could tell the writers couldn't think of a way for Will to blow it with a Goth that was just throwing herself at him. The scene reminded me of the ending of Halloween where Michael just keeps getting shot and stabbed but still keeps getting up, by the end of the 8th (count 'em) film I'd be willing to bet he got nuked but survived in a fridge.

The characters are good too, especially Will, who's sarcasm and lack of common sense never fail to crack me up, especially when he is teamed up with Neil's stupidity. Mr Guilbert is great too.

So yeah, there isn't much to say about the Inbetweeners, it's pretty good and funny (John Smith wouldn't say so, he HATES the show). Give it a go if you won't, just don't wait for the US version, just watch American Pie for that.

Tuesday, 25 October 2011

Quick Update

Hey guys who don't exist, just a quick update/apology to say I'm sorry that fuck all has gone on this blog in a month and a half. To be honest, I just couldn't be bothered doing anything as I got extremely disillusioned with the Top 10 Gaming Characters collab. But oh well, me and John have got other stuff going on.

One of them includes a new project we have been working on for 12 hours now. It's going to be a podcast where we talk about numerous things from the media, pop culture etc. It's actually going to be very similar to the web series I was planning called Both Extremes, where I did satirical reviews on films, games and TV. It was cancelled because of a combination of laziness and how awful I am on camera (I looked like a right cock).

So now like a drug-addled spaz emerging from a ditch in the morning, I've returned to the World Wide Web, along with John. Look out for the podcast, probably going to be titled "Both Extremes", on my Youtube channel within a week. Depending on how well it's received, it will be uploaded as an irregular series. In the meantime, expect a review of Deus Ex: Human Revolution.

Thanks.